


bigbang is a bigmess

by OMGTHEFEEL



Category: Big Bang (Band)
Genre: Drabble, Experimental, Fluff, Gen, Humor, OT5, Pre-Slash, Slice of Life, cool what do you mean cool, different writing style, preslash, they are a mess of human beings, undecided pairings because i just wanna write about them being dumbasses
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-12
Updated: 2019-10-03
Packaged: 2020-10-17 04:47:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,800
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20615225
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OMGTHEFEEL/pseuds/OMGTHEFEEL
Summary: "I was channeling you," Seungri mumbles. "Fake it til you make it and bite anyone who comes close. Like a frog."





	1. frogs with teeth

**Author's Note:**

> who are these people

**It starts with a neon shirt and an unusually bright colored jacket, and it doesn't get any better than that. (Or, in other words, why Seungri doesn't wear neon casual wear.)**

"You must really be sad Seungri-ah," Jiyong says. He reaches over to feel the fabric of Seungri's shirt. Cotton, how very Seungri-typical. "You never wear bright clothing, much less neon clothing unless someone forces you to."

"I was channeling you," Seungri mumbles. "Fake it til you make it and bite anyone who comes close. Like a frog."

Jiyong squawks. Offended. "A frog?!"

"A poisonous frog," Seungri affirms, like he thought it would make that any better. It did, just a little, but Jiyong's not gonna admit that. 

"Yah, frogs don't bite!" Jiyong protests. "They don't have even teeth!" (A/N: note to self, don't search it up.)

"Stop insulting frogs hyung," Seungri shakes his head. "Of course they have teeth, how else do they chew?"

"Really?" Jiyong asks, suddenly less certain of his knowledge about frogs. Which... doesn't exactly amount to much. 

"Of course," Seungri says confidently. To be honest he doesn't actually really know if frogs have teeth either, but they had to, right? Fish had teeth, eels had teeth, why couldn't frogs have teeth? "Just ask Youngbae-hyung."

Youngbae, who knows for fact that frogs don't have teeth, replies: "Yep. Frogs have teeth." Sometimes, Youngbae just wants to see the world burn. 

Jiyong's face dawns with enlightenment; a mixture of horror and awe. He never knew frogs had teeth! (A/N: they don't.)

You learn new things everyday, Jiyong guesses. He's slightly unnerved by this new discovery because the thought of it sounds a bit horrifying but nature works in mysterious ways; so who was Jiyong to criticize? "Do you think they ever bite their tongues?" he asks.

Seungri shrugs. "Probably."

Daesung, who was around the corner the whole time, pales. (A/N: this is why you don't eavesdrop kids.)

Seunghyun walks past him, whistling a jaunty tune before he pauses, and backs up. "Daesungie? What's up with your face?" Seunghyun raises an eyebrow. He has his car keys in hand.

(A/N: ah.. he was so close to escaping.)

Daesung looks desperate, as if begging for someone to break him from this nightmare called life. His eyes are wet behind his hair. "Hyung! I'm so scared I can't move."

Now, keep in mind that Daesung is scared of many things: pigeons, the dark, spiders, sharks, ghosts, blood, a crippling fear of being abandoned, roller coasters, but the one thing that terrifies him the most (although it's debatable) is _teeth._

Not just teeth alone, no, although that is scary, Daesung is of the opinion that adding teeth to anything or one will cause it to become 100% more scary.

Case in point: pigeons with teeth. _Terrifying. _

Now also keep in mind that Seunghyun is an art collector and appreciator of all kinds of art, both weird and abstract. So it's not far fetched to assume that Seunghyun has encountered many, _many_ weird things in life. Especially teeth.

It's also one of the perks that come with being friends with Kwon Jiyong since middle school. (A/N: shouldn't that be a con?) Anyways, Seunghyun has a mind of steel when it comes to unnerving things so keep that in mind as you read on.

"What's wrong," Seunghyun tenses. "Are there spiders again? Clowns? _Pigeons?"_ _Please let it be spiders. _Seunghyun can deal with spiders. Bricks exist for a reason after all. (A/N: that's not what bricks are for.)

Daesung, on the verge of tears. "Have you ever seen frogs with teeth?" He says teeth the same way someone would say gun. Or knife. Or that fluid that comes on an animal's body when they first emerge from their mother's pelvis. 

Seunghyun relaxes. _Thank god, it's not pigeons._ "Oh, it's just frogs. Okay."

_"Have you?"_ Daesung grabs his shirt with wild eyes. Seunghyun tries not to think about how he can see them from behind Daesung's hair.

"Frogs with teeth? Yeah sure, it's not as uncommon as you'd think." Seunghyun pats his back absentmindedly, now thinking about other things. Better things. Like wine and food and sexy chairs. Ooh sexy chairs. "Anyway, I'm gonna go get some food. You want anything?"

Tears trickle down Daesung's cheeks. Tears of terror. Despair. 

"Daesung? Dae? Food?"

Daesung doesn't hear him.

Conclusion: BIGBANG will later go to a zoo and Youngbae finds out that frogs, do, in fact have teeth. Daesung has nightmares for a week and Seunghyun is slightly disappointed at the lack of human teeth.

Seungri decides not to wear a neon shirt again. (Unless it's absolutely necessary, of course.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i searched it up oh no i searched it up and i'm on the verge of crying oh no oh no oh no


	2. eight-year-old con-artist

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Tell me something about you that no one else knows."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wasn't gonna make this nyongtory but my fingers couldn't help it, inspired by the one post on tumblr that i can't find no more

"Tell me something about you that no one else knows," Seungri says, while smiling at him upside down with his cute dimples and stupidly charming eye crinkles. Jiyong has half the mind to scooch over and- well. Cough.

Jiyong squeezes Seungri's cheeks. 

"When I was little, I used to play this game online that was super popular but it was for kids y'know?" Jiyong shrugs haphazardly. "So if they forgot their password, they'd have to answer these stupid questions like _'what is your eye color'_ and you'd put in brown, blue, or green."

Seungri raises an eyebrow. He's not entirely sure what he was expecting, but it definitely wasn't this. "Go on.." That doesn't mean he's not interested though.

"Yeah, so I would go on and find crowded common rooms and pick out usernames," Jiyong licks his lips. "And then I'd log out and type them in."

Seungri sits up. "Oh my god."

"I'd click the '_you forgot your password' _button right?" Jiyong continues on, "And they'd ask and it was usually brown because we live in South Korea y'know? It wasn't _that_ hard to figure it out, and I'd get in."

_"Hyung." _

"Shut up," Jiyong shoots back quickly, and then he's grinning at the scandalized look on Seungri's face. "It wasn't illegal okay?"

"You stole from other children," Seungri points out. "You were a con-artist. _Identity-theft is a serious problem hyung_." And well, yeah, sure he has a point - but _still_. He's not the one on the verge of laughing here, so checkmate maknae. 

"That's not all," Jiyong confesses. 

"There's_ more?" _Seungri rakes his fingers through his hair in amused disbelief. It's soft and black and perfectly messy and Jiyong wants to touch it.

"The game had this option where you could transfer stuff or gift things from your inventory to your friends, sooo," Jiyong smiles, and he bites his lip. "I would go to their inventory and house and clear it out, and if I didn't want it, I'd sell it for money."

_"HYUNG!"_

"I was a very meticulous kid alright!?" 

At that, Seungri completely loses it. Loud, _phenomenal_ giggles burst from his chest. Bright, bubbly sounds that send tingles down Jiyong's spine and leaves an infectious smile on his lips.

Jiyong can't resist looping his arm across Seungri's shoulders. He wants to feel him shake with laughter. 

"Damn hyung. Those poor children," Seungri gasps, and he tries to catch his breath, but Jiyong's face isn't helping. Seungri's eyes go lidded, almost teasingly, "What a criminal mastermind."

Jiyong laughs, and he leans even closer. He adds lowly, like he's trying to brag, "I was eight years old too." There's still a twinkle of mad amusement in Seungri's eyes and Jiyong is _this_ close to tackling him to the bed and tickling him until he laughs again, when the door slams open with a loud _thud._

'Lo and behold, Youngbae, our glorious sunshine man, bursts in screaming, "THAT WAS YOU???"

Seungri leans back from Jiyong, and the older man frowns in slight disappointment.

"HOLY FUCKING SHIT, I REMEMBER PLAYING THAT GAME TOO!"

"Ah shit," says Jiyong. 

"I WENT ONLINE ONE DAY AND ALL MY SHIT WAS GONE. I THOUGHT IT WAS A GLITCH IN THE GAME!!" Youngbae paces back and forth the length of the room. Seungri thinks he might be on the verge of breaking down.

"Welp," Jiyong says, absolutely unrepentant. You could melt butter in his smile. His dirty, lying smile. "You should've lied about your eye color then."

Youngbae's voice cracks a little. "I CRIED FOR FOUR HOURS!"

'Four hours,' Seungri mouths to Jiyong, and the older man hides a snort behind his palm.

"I AM _BAMBOOZLED!!_ I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS!!"

"Time to run," Jiyong whispers. Seungri bursts into another wild laugh when Jiyong picks up a pillow and chucks it at Youngbae's head. The shorter man visibly explodes.

"I'M CALLING THE COPS!" 

Jiyong darts towards the door. "Not if you can't catch me!"

Pray for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aaaand that's how jiyong almost got arrested


	3. mutiny via chat names

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [You mean if they just brought the dipping before the food?] Youngbae frowned. Sounds fake but okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the stress is taking its toll on jiyong

Daesung asked, [How do you know if you should dip it or not?]

[Wouldn't the waiter tell you?] Seungri asked. 

[But what if they don't?] Seunghyun said challengingly. This is a touchy subject for him.

Youngbae reasoned, [Then you'd just have to take the risk right?]

[What if it's not for that specific food?] Seungri mentioned. [And then you dipped it in the wrong thing?]

[You mean if they just brought the dipping out before the food?] Youngbae frowned. Sounds fake but okay.

[Yah! Hyung it happens!] Seungri argued.

[He's right], Seunghyun confirmed. [Some restaurants are just like that. Tch.] Again. This is a touchy subject for him.

[Guys, we have to be nice to waiters] Daesung shook his head, [Food takes a long time to cook.]

[Dae's right] Youngbae agreed, [You just gotta swallow and smile.]

_Seunghyun is typing..._

Youngbae quickly added, [The food. Swallow the food.]

Jiyong chimed in, […Can you guys talk about the theme topic?]

Seungri asked, [What theme topic?]

Exasperated, Jiyong replied quickly, [Look at the name of the group! This is an official group for BIGBANG's official discussions!]

The members looked at the group name earnestly: [Is Bean Curd Sweet or Salty?]

Jiyong was speechless. _Pu–! Who changed the damn name?!_

He immediately changed it back to: [BIGBANG's Group Proposals]

Seunghyun immediately intercepted and changed it to: [TOP and the Children]

_several people are typing..._

Jiyong facepalmed. [Stop! Stop! Stop!]

Youngbae frowned, [:(((((((((]

Seungri frowned even harder, [;A;;;;;;;;]

Daesung obligingly got back on topic and asked, [So what's this about hyung?] He's such a good dongsaeng. 

[Yeah, what did you want to say?] Seungri added easily, but then he interjected, [But didn't we agree not to talk about this?] He's such a good maknae.

His eyebrows furrowed. Jiyong denied it. [We never agreed that.] 

Confused, Seunghyun replied, [Yes we did.]

Jiyong shook his head, [When?]

Youngbae helpfully sent a screenshot of previous chats:

> [So we're all in agreement?] Seungri asked.
> 
> [Yep]
> 
> [Yessir]
> 
> [YES]

Jiyong was speechless again. _Where was I in this?!_

[So all in favor, we ignore the theme again?] Seungri asked, quickly and easily taking charge.

[Yessir] 

[Yepp]

[Yes]

Jiyong spat out blood.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahh yess the smell of rebellion lmao


End file.
